If I Were a Girl...

If I Were a Girl

By Darin Stevens

                When I read the instructions of this assignment, my mind flooded with everything from deep, meaningful insights about the nurturing nature of a mother to punch lines more suited for a bachelor party than a writing assignment. On one hand, the better part of 46 years of maleness has made it hard for me to fathom any other existence. Conversely, being the very-involved father of two girls provided me some very good background in hair, makeup, dresses and, perhaps most importantly; shoes.

                The most efficient way to discuss my life, if I were a girl, is to divide it into chapters. The first chapter, birth through puberty, I would have probably been a tomboy. I am the oldest child in my family and I have always been very close with my father. If that were to hold true in this alternate existence, as I suspect it would, I may have hunted, fished and tromped about the woods with my dad. As active as my imagination can be, I cannot imagine that facet of my life being different. My father was, is and shall forever be my hero.

                My adolescence would have been interesting. In some ways, it would have probably been easier had I been a girl. My discovery of and appreciation for the arts would have probably been the same and my lack of athletic prowess would not have been such a source of frustration for me.  My frustration was exacerbated by the fact that I was one of the bigger kids and physically strong as a yearling bull. I just had no discernible athleticism. At the time, I would have gladly traded being the best singer in the junior high for a decent fastball or jump shot. The guys on the field and in the gym didn’t really see the value in being able to sight read music, nor did I.

Hopefully, my curiosity about and obsession with sex wouldn’t have been nearly as intense. A scarcely-proficient, yet mind-blowing, experience with a promiscuous 16 year-old girl, two months shy of my 14^th birthday, put me on a quest to build on that experience whenever possible. It wasn’t quite sex, but it if I were Catholic it would have warranted a trip to confession. If word of that sort of activity would have gotten around school, society’s double-standard would have gained me a negative label.

                Many of my antics as a young adult, including several years spent in the Navy, would have also gained me a less-than-sterling reputation. However, the contrast began to fade when I got married and became a parent.

                I am well-aware that the roles my wife and I play in our family fall along fairly-traditional lines. As it is discussed in the text, I have always been confident, self-reliant and the primary wage-earner in our family (Riedmann, 2012). My wife, however, is also very strong and has proven to be a valuable partner in providing income for our family. Additionally, she is very adept at performing household repairs and wields a mighty paint brush. She doesn’t hunt, but she is very skilled with a rod and reel and can effortlessly pilot a canoe or kayak down any stream of her choosing. I have come to the conclusion that if she were better at killing bugs and didn’t have an aversion to cleaning our gutters; I’d be out of a job.

                Conversely, I was a very good fixer of hair and spent untold numbers of hours shopping for shoes and dresses. I also fixed a lot of meals and even sewed my share of buttons. Having a career in which my days off often fall on weekdays, there were numerous occasions on which I was the only dad to be a parent volunteer on field trips and other school activities. These efforts were oftentimes applauded by my fellow volunteers, mostly mothers and grandmothers, who complimented my decision to play such an active role in the lives of my children. I responded graciously to their praise, but it was really a matter of logistics. Our children and their peers needed volunteers, my wife was working and my job afforded me the opportunity to be there on school days. We really did not put that much thought into it.

                If she was a man and I was a woman, the only substantive difference would be that I wouldn’t have taken out the garbage thousands of time and done roughly 99% of the driving, over the last 24 years. That arrangement would have been impossible for my grandfather and would have been very difficult for my father. For me, however, the result has been an exceptionally-fulfilling relationship.

Works Cited

Riedmann, M. A. (2012). Marriages, Families and Relationships - Making Choices in a Diverse Society - Eleventh Edition. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.